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Scrapbook

by Postcard Boy

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1.
Play 03:24
Woke up feeling pristine Bright eyes and white teeth Lunchbox packed in my backpack Carpool team around the cul-de-sac Could you pick me up out front? Shorebreak laying in the sun Football games in the top row of seats Back when I was so naive Handball courts and cherry balls Grass stains from my blue jean falls Playground and swings What’s emotion? Oh, child 2015 Always a smile Thought I was a big dog at 5’5” Camera in my hand The most steady plan was my Instagram back then But I never had a steady hand Who were my friends, who I am Can we hurry up? Thinking in four years it’ll be stabilized Sneaking out of class in the hallways Knowing that you’d recognize my face And you always said my name Made me happy that I maybe had a place
2.
Running away Had to escape The life that they made (For us) Everyday Playing the same Identical tapes (Rewinding) Confusion Transfusion (All these thoughts are unoriginal) Ships are sailing, pioneers Gratuitous presents, we share (Ideas stole from aboriginals) Immature saviors, no years Later they will praise us, my dear And I want, and I want, and I want And they want, and they want, yeah 참 아름다워 이 밤에 너 와 나 걸어가는 시간속에 잠겨 담배 연기 흘르가는 지도 몰라 난 겁나 When I fall down, I can try again Summer stars fall in the sky In the distance I could you see you again When the summer stars fall in the sky Been dreaming of our escape Summer stars fall in the sky Headlights on me I can hear the butterflies scream out I might have to do this all on my own Refutation has really gotten me going on I might have to do this all on my own Refutation has really gotten me going on On this postcard, I can write your name Baby yeah, on this postcard, I can write your name On this postcard, I can write your name down On this postcard, I can write
3.
Rewind 02:52
Cut myself into pieces Infinite, little secrets Scatterbrained is too common the refrain Tell myself that it’s normal Just ignore that it’s painful Habituation will make me immune Hold me, hold me Let me take out all these bullets Hold me, hold me Can we sit still in this moment? Self-worth Subvert Nature Rebirth Already won, appreciate some Take it back Feeling is gone, soon as I’m done What’s with that? Take a look around, it’s like you popped a soda can You were shaking it up, shaking it up Hold me, hold me Let me take out all these bullets Hold me, hold me Can we sit still in this moment? Here again Couldn’t tell you Why my head fights nirvana 3 A.M. Lost my self controller Change the channel It’s all too familiar 1000 bullets in the back of my head I’m running out of time They’re gonna shoot again Saving myself Yeah, I’m trying my best There is only so much that this vest can protect
4.
Movie Star 03:08
Found him in the back of his white car Unconscious with his head over the bar This isn’t what they said they knew him like Blinded of what was in his mind I’m glad I never knew you You’re gonna wish you knew me Looking through the superzoom Think I’ll have sympathy? False pictures that you paint Living life weekend-waiting Graduating this year Now, I’ll never see your face Don’t you go breaking down (Breaking down) ‘Cause nobody’s gonna come around (Or stays around) All your friends are going out (Going out) Never thought about your health (About your health) I’m glad I never knew you You’re gonna wish you knew me Looking through the superzoom Think I’ll have sympathy? I used to think that you would want me I used to think you really loved me (I got down on my back, I was losing all my “friends”) (I got back onto track, I don’t want no fake friends) See me go far, I can be a movie star See me on your TV screens, tell your kids you once knew me Right now I’m flying, confidence at high Leave it all behind, future is bright
5.
INT. EXT. 03:12
A mercedes and a bentley High school drama queens Get alcohol for speech Parties fulfill needs Addicted at eighteen New boy every week We used to watch movies I used to think you knew me What happened to skateboarding down my street? What happened to sunburns and ice cream? Wonder if you really are happy I used to think you knew me These pretty faces power rule Always fall for the same ruses “I wish that I could be like you” Make yourself look like a fool Maybe she don’t want to be like you Maybe that’s not what he wants to do Maybe I’m a pessimistic stranger I know that I’m too sensitive, but you’re so unsure I got this 99’ drive Cassettes and volume on high Social stereotypes Broken when they hit real life White lies Looking so fly in that outfit Blindside that back Merry-go-round with the same shit It’s Friday night, forcing to try Internally crying, externally smiling “Okay, one time” is your most common lie Internally crying, externally smiling Seems like last night we were fourteen Skating down the street at fifteenth Now we don’t recognize each other's face I don’t remember the last time you said my name
6.
Warp 03:49
I might run back to last summer My mind was clear when I was younger Sometimes the sun gives me a headache I know why, but I always hesitate Make myself Frustrate myself Break myself Save myself Make myself Frustrate myself Break myself Save myself Do you even talk? Just shelter your feelings How you gonna walk? If you're never healing Pry your tongue out Dial the phone You're building up new obstacles Open the door, say hello Living in boxes, alone I wanna feel good I wanna feel whole Introspection makes no moves Afraid to hide in my room I might run just run back to last summer To these times when we were all were better I feel like I am going under Shut my eyes pretend it’s just like before Make myself Frustrate myself Break myself Save myself Make myself Oh come on, boy Frustrate myself Oh come on, boy Break myself Lift your head up, lift your head up Save myself Lift your head up, lift your head up Make myself Oh come on, boy Frustrate myself Oh come on, boy Break myself Lift your head up, lift your head up Save myself Lift your head up, lift your head up It's time He knows that he breaks himself Labyrinths bringing him to hell It's time Passions destroying his health Ripping him from his core help Tell yourself it’s gonna be okay Just wait it a few more Mondays Consistently feel this way Selfish bullets ricochet Back and forth Fall forward Stumble backwards All cracked mirrors Disappearing I wish fear wasn’t filling my head I don’t know Quite where I’m going Feeling so Okay with not knowing Sentimental Scrapbook on the shelf

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released June 14, 2019

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Postcard Boy San Diego, California

some junk mail caught in limbo

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